I’m co-writing a training programme for a client on building effective relationships with your boss. Of course this can be applied to anyone that you work with but the relationship that you have with your manager is really important for your happiness at work. 75% of people who voluntarily left their jobs did so because of their boss, not their position - people leave bosses not roles. The statistics are sad to see but let’s think about what you can do to build a better relationship with your manager.

It starts with you - take a moment to think about what you really need from your manager. This question, is harder to answer than you’d expect. What is it that you NEED from your manager to be able to do what you WANT to do? Now let’s flip this and ask, ‘What is it that our manager NEEDS from us?’ Think about the value you bring, the problems you help solve, the energy you bring to the team, your ability to think differently and how this complements the skills of the team.

Also think about if you are partly the cause of the relationship not working. In Mark Lewis’s book, How to Manage your Boss (2019) he has a 6 scenario assessment that he recommends doing. It asks you to think back to the last 6 times that you felt that your boss had be unjust, not listened to you etc. It is important to be able to recall this honestly and have a fair account. If you decide to do this make sure you think about the context, your emotions and the impact that this had on you. You can then provide structured feedback that takes into account the, situation (context), the behaviour (what they did / didn’t do) and the impact (how you or others around you felt as a result of the behaviour).

Channel your inner Miss Marple / Poirot! - look for commonalities in your relationship. If you can talk to previous people who have worked with them and find out what worked well and conversely what didn’t and why. Observe how they prefer to:-

• Communicate and what type of technology they prefer is it phone, email, video calls or face to face.

• In meetings , do they provide lots of detail or more big picture information? Is their natural style to talk ideas out or do they internalise their thoughts?

• When do you see them having the most energy - in the morning, afternoon or evening? Knowing this can help you to pinpoint what time of day is good to talk to them about the ideas that you have.

• What annoys them? - punctuality, spelling, too much or too little information?

Getting behind the headlines of your manager’s priorities and stresses can help you to think about what you can do to support and strengthen your relationship.